There's a huge difference between having sex with a man and having sex with a woman.
One I like and one I don't.
Lesbian sex is anything you want it to be,
which is why it's amazing.
There's plenty of ways to do it.
We have hands. We have mouths.
I mean, a lot of, like, push-ups, a lot of leg lifts,
a lot of hanging from chandeliers.
We're not one-hit wonders.
[Laughs] I mean, we could go and go.
Lesbian sex is when two vaginas rub together,
and they don't catch on fire.
Listen, it's a lot of work.
The connection between two women...
There's a sensuality.
That's the reason why your girlfriend will leave your ass for me.
It's a little bit more than you just sticking your dick in her pussy.
Sync by honeybunny - corrected by chamallow www.Addic7ed.Com
♪ it was just the other night ♪
♪ I don't wanna think about it ♪
♪ I don't wanna start a fight ♪
♪ I don't wanna think about it ♪
♪ every time I take a step, left, right ♪
♪ now I think I'm gonna sleep real good tonight ♪
♪ you'll find a way to make me crazy ♪
♪ hazy ♪
Previously on The Real L Word...
♪ ♪
Happy Valentine's day.
Wow. Baby, you look amazing.
Like, I'm about to cry right now.
Valentine's day is definitely
the highlight of our relationship so far.
You look beautiful.
There's a lot of passion in our relationship...
something I've never experienced before.
It's good passion, sometimes bad passion.
You're, like, so manipulating. I fucking hate it.
- Now you're insulting me. - Rose, Rose.
But in the end, it ends up being really good.
I'm not gonna send you to venues
that you're gonna fall in love with that you can't afford.
I want to see everything.
The thought of having to produce my wedding makes me so stressed.
What do you think the numbers should be for this wedding?
For your overall budget?
- This is our wedding. - I know.
I'm a development executive at a production company.
It's full-court, and I haven't played ball in a very long time.
Stamie does a comedy show every Thursday.
I haven't played with balls in even a longer time.
- [Laughs] - It's so weird.
Do you know what it is?
Shut up. [both laughing]
Nico, look, your mama gave me a key.
Is that a key to your house?
That's sweet.
I'm ready to get a key to her house,
but I'm not ready to move in. [chuckles softly]
Ian... he wants me to be in the movie.
Yay.
I found a trainer to get me in shape
for Voodoo Cowboy.
- Hello. - Hello.
I'm Whitney. Nice to meet you.
I'm Miranda. Nice to meet you.
Turns out, Miranda is shockingly attractive.
I'm curious... is Miranda gay?
I'm down to start, like, tomorrow.
- Let's do it. - You want to do it?
Let's do it.
I think it's so awkward...
like, living with Whitney
and not really knowing what's going on.
[Laughs]
Honestly, I think the reason why I get myself
into situations in general is because
I like to make girls feel good.
Let's grab a cocktail.
- Do you feel like it? - Yeah.
I don't want to go home to an empty house tonight.
You have great boobs.
[Shouting]
Normally I would just rip this off.
Raquel is very busy in her life
and doesn't kind of incorporate me,
which is kind of tough right now,
'cause we're not, like, really meshing.
Do you guys want these little chips and stuff?
Are you taking that for your car ride?
- Yeah, I'll take that. - And some waters?
Yeah, we'll take that.
- How many did I give you? - That's fine.
- That's a lot of water. - Yeah.
So Raquel and I really want to try to make up
for our Valentine's day weekend
and try to find some time to spend together,
but it's not looking good at this point.
I have to leave for Vegas for work.
Shanna, my new assistant,
and Ceci, my new intern, and I are all heading out to Vegas
for one of the biggest fashion trade shows in the business.
Are you excited about Vegas?
[Sighs] I already have anxiety about it.
I know. I can feel it. I'm picking up on it.
I got a lot to do in two days.
You're gonna do it. I just want a free bag.
I know, you big baby.
You just want all the free stuff.
Raquel has to work, so she's not gonna be able
to come with us to Vegas.
So I'm just pretty bummed out
that Raquel's not there to share that time with me.
Love you.
It's hard to have a relationship
when I don't get the time I want with her.
- Drive safely, please, okay? - Yeah, I always drive safe.
I know.
Okay, dudes, look out for cops, okay?
- Careful. - Absolutely.
Clean the windshield when the bugs get on.
[Laughs]
- Bye, babe. - Bye.
I'm ready to go.
[Doorbell rings]
Puppy, it's dress time! [dogs barking]
Oh, my God!
- Hi, girls. - Hi. How are you?
How are you?
Today Jill and I are meeting Anna and Ella,
the two dress designers.
We gave them a few different ideas of dresses,
so they're gonna show us a few options.
We kind of haven't slept. We're really excited.
We're getting married.
This isn't legal, but for us,
this is our wedding.
We're not gonna have another one when it's legal.
We'll go down to the courthouse.
All these fabrics would be possible.
It just depends on what you like.
- Okay, look, I have chills. - [laughs]
So whose color palette is whose?
I want this one. [laughs]
I want my dress to be simple but beautiful,
you know, sexy, elegant.
- Oh, my... - Oh, wow.
You sketched that?
Look at the back of this dress.
It's gorgeous. Just...
Can I get the body too? [laughs]
You already... you have the body.
You have that body. That is stunning.
- It's so unbelievable. - [gasps]
So that's what we're doing for you.
Yeah, you guys!
- [Chuckles] - That's gorgeous.
The dress is kind of straight and elegant,
and it's very simple and clear. Done.
For me, I'd feel like I can't just buy a dress of the rack,
because then it's not that fabulous, you know?
I think at first, I was a little self-conscious
of wearing a dress,
but I want to feel like a feminine woman that day
and feel like a bride.
Now what we should do is just find out, um...
How much it will cost on fabric and all that,
and then we would meet again for the first fitting.
Done.
It's totally exciting,
but it's dawning on me that I have absolutely no idea
how expensive some of these ideas are.
I am a writer.
It's not a consistent line of work,
so before I allow myself to fall head over heels
with any ideas for the wedding,
we have to kind of get to the fine print.
Thank you. Have a safe trip back.
- Thank you so much. - Thank you.
Fortunately, I've been pretty successful...
more than Jill has.
So I feel like we can afford to pay for this.
Oh, my God, they're beautiful.
[Both laughing]
I can't believe they nailed it.
I'm not so concerned with the prices.
What's my middle name?
Nikki Gucci Weiss.
- Baby love, are you happy? - I love it.
- I want to call my mother. - I love it.
- Got to call my mother.
All right, let's set up this shebang.
I feel slightly hungover.
Let's have the beans.
- What? - Give me the beans.
Yeah, I stayed at Romi's last night.
But we didn't have full sex.
Your definition of full sex is a little hairy.
What is that?
I don't know. You tell me. What's full sex?
Like, we didn't have, like...
oral sex exchange and stuff.
You have no self-control.
- I have self-control. - You don't.
- I don't. - You don't.
Just admit it, 'cause I'm trying to stay neutral.
I just see sad face...
on my cousin...
and it makes me want to kill you a little bit,
'cause I'm watching you do things
that I don't necessarily approve of.
I think Alyssa is a little disappointed
with the way things are going between Tor and I,
because I'm her best friend.
Tor's her cousin.
Ideally, she would like to see us together.
We would make a good couple, just not right now.
I think Tor's expecting something,
'cause you haven't had a straight-up discussion.
Like, I can tell you right now
that I think she thinks she's done,
but I don't think that emotionally she's done.
I think, like, she wants to say that
so that she doesn't look the fool.
You know, I'm not ready for a relationship right now,
and I obviously have a lot going on,
between Sara and Romi,
and, you know, I don't want to mess anything up for the future.
You're thinking with your... wah-wah.
What do I do to rectify this problem?
Not hook up with Romi anymore.
That would be a start.
And then have a conversation with Tor.
Do you want me to help you with your resume?
Yes, please.
Supposed to be in here somewhere.
Yeah, here it is.
Just save it on your desktop.
You want to take out a bunch of old shit,
but you want to have a section
of education and courses, you know what I mean?
But I want to change all that format.
You can change that format and all that later.
Let's just get the meat and potatoes.
Okay.
I am a hairstylist.
I've been doing hair for about five years now.
But I'm at the point in my career
where I feel like I need to move on and expand,
so Rose is assisting me with updating my resume.
First, you change your address.
You're gonna use this address?
Or are you're gonna use your mom's or what?
Well, where do I live?
- What do you mean? - Where do I live?
- You're here. - Okay.
- Where's your license number? - Oh, um...
You need to put all that shit on here.
Why do I have to put it on there?
That's important,
because anybody could say they have a license.
That's not true, 'cause I can take my license with me.
You want me to help you?
Natalie and I, when it comes to anything
outside of Natalie and I love-wise,
we don't agree on anything.
I'm trying to help her format her resume,
but she has her own ideas on what she wants.
Ultimately, I always get my way, so...
- What are you thinking about? - I'm just thinking
I don't want to put my license number on there.
On my stuff, I put my real estate license on.
Okay, fine.
Okay, I'll fix it.
You're the bomb, baby.
I got you covered.
Okay, could you just save it now?
Yeah. Why are you so... you're stressing me out, dude.
Whatever.
You could just combine your assistant
and your regular stylist into one,
'cause now you're a manager.
You're kind of demoting yourself.
I spent seven of my life...
Seven months of my life as an assistant...
As somebody's bitch.
Kind of like us. [laughing]
Road trip.
Okay, so can I ask you guys something?
Yeah.
My five-year anniversary's coming up.
Five years? You've been in a relationship for five years?
- I know. - Yes.
I can't even make it past five months with most people.
What are you gonna do for your five-year anniversary?
I was thinking, like...
If you should let him come in your eye after five years?
Is that what you were gonna ask? [laughing]
She does that on the first date.
Shanna!
I read that on her resume. Did you read that on her resume?
- Yeah, that's why we hired her. - I know.
- Great. Great. - I was like, "this girl's... "
- Yeah, she's badass. - Yeah.
- Anyway... - She's fierce.
- Oh, fierce. - [laughing]
God love Ceci.
I think we might be a little bit too racy for her,
but we'll see how she does.
See if she can survive the Mikey challenge.
What is sex between two women?
I still haven't figured it out.
That's definitely something that I don't know much about.
- [Laughing] - Not my area of expertise.
- Wait, is oral sex sex? - Is oral sex sex?
Thank you! Jinx.
Say if you're a virgin and you had oral sex,
you're still a virgin, right?
So when two chicks go down on each other,
that's not sex.
- Right? - I guess not.
But I feel like if you, like, had a strap-on
and fucked a girl, that'd be sex.
Ceci, cover your ears. You don't need to hear this.
- [Laughing] - I know.
Whoo!
Like, if I bang some chick out with my toe,
is that toe sex?
[Laughing]
- No, that's like... - Is that sex?
- That's like a finger-bang. - Yeah.
- It's like an F.B. - Okay, now...
My thought was, is if you have an orgasm
or if you're being penetrated, that's sex.
That's what I thought.
Let's call Raquel and ask her.
[Line trilling] Hi.
Hey, babe.
So we're really trying to define what sex is.
What?
[Laughing]
We were trying to determine
whether oral sex was actual sex.
Well, I think that straight sex
is different than gay sex.
I think in the gay world...
You know, if somebody finger-bangs you,
I don't really think that that's sex.
Strap-on sex is, for sure, sex...
- That's what I said. - For me.
And then...
So when I tickled your brain the other night,
- that was sex? - That's real sex.
- Just checking. - When I finger-banged
your bootyhole, it didn't count.
According to Raquel,
apparently any type of penetration,
like, this whole, like, strap-on thing is sex for lesbians,
but finger-banging somehow does not count as penetration.
I'm still learning what sex is myself,
apparently, in my 30s.
I love you, Mikey. Bye, Shanna. Bye, Ceci.
- Bye. - Bye, girl.
Well, I'm glad we cleared that up.
Yeah.
You guys, this is awesome.
Oh, this house is sick.
I do love that touch right there.
Okay.
This is beautiful but a little flat to me.
Okay.
Maybe more pillows or something.
Look at that view.
- This is amazing. - Isn't it?
It's a tough life up here.
Look-it, you can see the Hollywood sign.
And there are steps down this way.
You can add another structure down there,
like a garage or something.
When I turned 29, I kind of had,
like, a "come to Jesus" moment, where I was like,
"Holy shit.
Do I want to do open-mics
at coffee shops, laundromats,
you know, in my 30s,
or do I want to, like, have a nice car,
maybe own some property, and feel like an adult?"
So at 29, I got my real estate license.
- This room needs a little work. - This room does.
It's a little... [laughs] flat.
[Laughs] Is that your word of the day?
That's my word of the day... "Flat."
It's like the kids' room almost.
This just needs to be painted properly.
I don't like... this is pushed to the side of the room.
Baby, you're a natural real estate agent.
- I don't know if you've noticed. - You are. You're great.
I have a good eye for these things.
I have questions about my career
and sort of if I'm on the right path or not.
I've always wanted to do a ton of things,
and I think that you can do that.
It's just that you have to find the time.
And, of course, I keep running out of time.
I would like her to sit in open house.
- Sure, you're welcome to... - Are you serious?
- In clothes. - Hot chicks are always welcome.
- I would love to, actually. - Yeah?
- No, I would love to. - Yeah.
All right, well, I'll pick out an outfit for you.
Outfit... [laughing]
You don't mind?
You dress yourself well. I could go with it.
You can dress me, and I'll dress you.
Stamie and I have become like brother and sister.
I think you can tell.
We're extremely close.
I mean, we've become really good friends over the years.
We actually speak our minds at all times,
and as you know, Stamie's not shy, so...
And I'm not either, usually.
I'm fascinated. I have certain questions.
Like what?
Okay, not necessarily for you, but in general,
when two lesbian girls say,
"we slept together. It's crazy."
- Oh, straight-guy question. - It's a good question.
I'm like, "what the fuck is...
What does 'slept together' mean?"
We have different definitions.
What's your definition?
Well, slept together would mean that there was actual...
The word that I'm embarrassed to say out loud,
and I'm gonna say it anyway, is penetration.
Sexual intercourse is what I'm talking about.
So when a girl says, "we slept together,"
to me, that could mean, "we cuddled."
- That's all we do anyway. - We just cuddle.
That's all you guys do is cuddle?
Sometimes I put my boobs...
my face in her boobs and go like this.
All the movies I've watched are totally wrong?
[Laughter]
Vegas, baby.
Whoo! Yeah! Let's do this!
- Awesome. - All right, to the right.
Hello.
Koffman... there you go, sir.
When I called Luxor to make our hotel accommodations,
I kind of mentioned that we were from L.A. Fashion Week,
so they offered us an upgrade.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
What the... whoa.
- I want to see your room. - This is insane.
Wow, you have a pool table.
I get up to my suite.
I'm on the top floor, which I love,
and I cannot believe what I see.
Who has a pool table in their suite?
I do.
Oh, my God. Come here. Look at this view.
No fucking way.
What the fuck?
- Is the bathroom insane? - Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I completely feel like I am either, like,
Beyonce or Jay-Z or P.Diddy.
I've never been in a room like this in my entire life.
You know, I grew up in a very, very poor area.
Everything I've had and done in my life is self-created.
I could never afford to splurge on myself like this.
Wait, what's... is this the bedroom?
This is seriously nuts.
It's kind of a bummer opening up that door into this huge room
that's so beautiful that I want to be sharing it with Raquel.
I'm very much still ready for a cocktail.
When you guys get unpacked and settled,
why don't we meet up here in, like, a half hour?
- 30? Cool. - Yeah.
This is how I roll.
Baby?
Baby!
I'm gonna come there at, like, 12:00 midnight and surprise you.
What are you doing? You crashing my party?
- Maybe. - Maybe?
Are you getting on a flight, and what time's your flight?
Tell me what's going on. 9:00.
Out of Burbank, right?
Oh, my God.
This is exactly what we need,
and I'm so excited and pumped up.
I just finally want us to be able to spend time with each other.
Order a taxi right now, so it can be there in 15 minutes.
- Okay. - Awesome.
All right, I'll see you in a little bit.
I can't wait for Raquel to come.
This is gonna be a huge night for us.
- Love you. - Love you too, babe. Bye.
Mikey?
- Big news. - Big news?
- Big news. - Ooh.
You guys might want to sit down for this.
- Wait. Really? - Oh, God.
[Cork pops] Whoo!
- Drum roll, please. - [tapping hands quickly]
I need you to get on the Internet,
get on the phone when we get back
and start finding some wedding chapels.
- No. - Shut up.
- Are you nuts? - Oh, my God.
- Are you fucking insane? - Yeah.
Raquel's gonna fly in tonight,
and I'm gonna go balls to the wall here,
get my assistant on board,
and try to find a wedding chapel to get married tonight.
I've now jumped on a crazy roller-coaster ride.
Raquel has no idea what she's walking into.
Now I've got the girls on my roller coaster with me,
and they're freaking out too.
- Mikey! Aah! - Okay, but listen...
I'm just gonna keep drinking right now.
[Gasps] Wow.
It's nothing I would ever do... get married in Vegas...
but it's exactly what I'm going to do.
Look at this suite. I mean, come on.
Fucking... I want to marry you.
[Laughter]
Have you ever had a feeling like,
"I'm living someone else's life right now,
'cause this is too good to be true"?
Yeah.
That's what my life feels like right now at this moment.
That's such a cool, awesome feeling.
- Yeah. - Congratulations.
Yeah, congrats.
All right, borrowed, blue...
whatever those wedding things are,
- you guys need to be on it. - All right.
Start figuring it out, coming up with some ideas.
Raquel and I have our plans
that we know that we're going to have
this amazing family together.
We feel really good and solid about what we have.
But it will really be great just to have that final commitment.
We're going to a wedding...
in Vegas.
Quick plans to make here.
Let's find a chapel.
Mmm.
[Sniffs, laughs]
After Alyssa tells me I have no self-control,
I decide to come clean and tell Tor what's going on.
What?
Cheers.
There's nothing in there.
- There's ice. - [laughs]
I want things to be good, and I've just gotten myself
in a situation right now
where it's just, like, uncomfortable.
I'm, like, digging myself deeper.
And I'm concerned and curious as to what she's feeling.
I want to make sure that...
everything is...
open and...
I just want to make...
I want to know what position I'm supposed to take
with you moving out here.
I was gonna come out here, and I was gonna see what happens,
and I'm seeing what you're doing,
and...
What are you doing?
In terms of other people?
Like, are you asking me if I hooked up?
Yeah, I've hooked up.
You and I didn't have, like,
any exclusivity, whatever.
I knew none of this.
I know none about who you're hooking up with.
In any situation that ever happened with myself,
I always brought your name up.
Okay, so right before you do things,
you're like, "okay, let me tell you about this girl Tor,"
and then everything just happens like that.
You're making it seem like it's, like, tons of people.
It's not like I've been sleeping around town.
It's not.
I wish you wouldn't think that.
I played the fool for a long time.
Right. And I'm not asking you to play the fool again.
Okay, so...
And that's why I'm being honest with you.
I don't want you to think I'm saying, like,
"I don't want anything with you."
That's not what I'm saying.
Whitney wants to be able to do whatever she wants.
She wants her cake, and she wants to eat it too,
and I'm not... I'm not gonna be that guy.
As a friend, like, that's fucked up.
Like, you haven't even been a good friend.
I'm not gonna just let her douche me around.
You're in your own little world. It's Whitney's world.
- That's not true. - It is.
- No, it's not. - It is true.
It's not true.
That's not true.
[Clears throat]
"Las Vegas wedding chapel."
- This is Lisa. - Hey, Lisa.
My boss has decided to get married tonight
to her girlfriend.
Is that possible?
We have a couple problems here.
We do weddings till 10:00,
and we don't do commitment ceremonies.
Oh.
Well, thank you for your time.
- Okay. - All right, bye.
All right, next one.
Here we go. Just go down the list.
So here's my question.
- It's 8:00. - Uh-huh.
Where are... so you're at the house, obviously.
Did you call for a taxi yet?
Yeah. It's outside waiting for me.
- Okay. - Hi. Who am I speaking with?
This is Bree.
Hey, Bree, my name is Shanna,
and I wanted to talk to you
about planning a civil commitment ceremony tonight.
We're not one of the chapels that does those.
Can you recommend some?
Cupid's chapel does those commitment ceremonies.
- Cupid's wedding chapel? -Yes.
- Okay, great. - Okay, good luck.
Why does nobody do civil commitment ceremonies?
I know. That's so stupid.
You would think in Vegas out of all places...
Let's try Cupid's.
I'm totally shocked.
I mean, it's Vegas.
There's a million wedding chapels,
and none of them are into doing gay weddings.
It was kind of appalling, actually.
Okay, hold on one second.
We just found somebody that will do it at 11:00.
[Laughing] Hold on. That just hit me.
We need to get... we need a credit card to reserve...
- Ah, all right. - Reserve the ceremony.
I'm just gonna start drinking
straight out of the bottle at this point.
No, no, no, no.
So we find a wedding chapel that'll perform the commitment ceremony.
We got it all locked in. Now all I need is the bride.
I can't wait for this to happen.
What if Raquel says no?
That's not even an active possibility.
- It's always a possibility. - It's now or never.
I don't think it's really hit me yet
that I could potentially be married in a couple hours.
It's pretty much down to the wire.
Awesome. [cell phone rings]
Babe?
Okay, baby, just calm down. Take a deep breath.
Baby, baby, listen, listen, take a deep breath.
It's all good. It's all good, okay?
Don't worry.
Raquel calls me. She's missed her flight.
Take the cab back to the house, you know,
and then I'll try to figure things out on this end, okay?
I definitely am disappointed,
but I'm doing the best I can to not get upset
and be there to support her,
'cause she's in full meltdown mode right now.
You did your best, and it's just too much going on,
and I totally understand, you know?
All right, I love you. Don't worry.
We'll figure it out, okay?
I can't get upset about these things.
There could be so many different reasons
why things don't work out
the way that we want them to work out.
On 9/11, I was intended to be on the Pittsburgh to LAX flight that was hijacked.
My bags were on that flight that held my sample set for my clothing line,
and I literally lost my whole business in a day.
Thank God I didn't lose my life,
but it was a huge ordeal for me,
and it was really life-changing.
So I think things happen for a reason,
and particularly with missed flights.
The wedding is off!
- No. - [laughs]
- Seriously? - She missed her flight.
She got all the way to the airport and didn't have her purse.
Are you upset, or are you angry...
or both?
It's a bummer. I'm bummed.
You know? We'll roll with the punches.
- It's all good. - Yeah, it's Vegas.
It's fucking Vegas, baby.
Hi, um...
we reserved a wedding for tonight,
and I wanted to cancel that, please.
Raquel isn't coming. We're all kind of bummed out.
I definitely am disappointed.
I was definitely up on that high,
thinking we're getting married,
and my low is coming straight down right now.
And I'm really, really kind of getting depressed and sad about it.
Group hug.
There's two emails in our inbox.
There's one from Camilla,
and then there's one from the dress designer.
Do you want to go first on this?
Let's tackle the dress designer.
Here we go. Costs, okay?
- Hit me. What is it? - All right, well,
originally she said it would be $2,000 to start.
What?
$6,175 for my dress.
- And your dress is... - Wait a minute.
- Wait. I'm sorry. Hold on. - And your dress is...
Wait. Say it again. Five what?
Your dress is the same.
So you're talking about $13,000 for two dresses.
Nicole, I didn't... say it again.
- What's the cost? - $6,175 per dress.
- For each dress? - For each dress.
I knew it was gonna cost a chunk of change,
but the two of us found it ridiculous.
We are a little blown away.
I'd like to understand why she thinks it's gonna cost that much.
"Design team labor hours.
Design and research, sketching,
pattern-making, tailoring, fitting,
and project management.
$5,525." Number one...
My dress is a direct copy. She did not design that.
She did not decide to sketch that out of thin air.
They basically made a variation on a theme of a dress that I loved.
So I didn't think it was gonna cost 2,000,
but I certainly didn't think that it was gonna cost
such a large sum of money when she got back to us.
Even for me that's, you know, a lot of money.
Jill and I really want to work with you.
We love your energy, your professionalism, and your talent.
Let us know if you're willing and able to discuss this any further.
And if this is your final price,
unfortunately, we can't work with you.
Send.
Camilla's quote is ridiculous.
We met with Camilla, the wedding planner.
If we were just having a little party,
the prices wouldn't be astronomical.
But the minute you mention a wedding,
it's suddenly thousands of dollars.
What is her fee?
Uh, the original fee was like $9,000.
Close to $10,000.
And after I crossed off what we needed,
now she's saying this is the best that she can do.
If we just went with her quote...
And the two dresses?
You know what we're up to already?
- We'd have a wedding. - Yeah. $25,000.
I know.
I don't mind paying her fee,
but then she better be giving me
the rolls royce of photographers for nothing.
She'd better get us deals.
So that's the conversation I want to have with her.
- You are a tough cookie today. - I'm upset.
Damn! I'm upset because it's $25,000
before we even step foot anywhere.
Let's see what she can do.
[Line ringing]
Hey, Camilla, it's Nikki and Jill.
How are you?
I'm great.
So we...
looked everything over again.
I just feel that this isn't a traditional wedding.
The thing is that the services
that you elected to take out, unfortunately,
are not the services that would make a hefty difference
in the pricing of the package.
The majority of them aren't that labor-intensive or time-intensive.
The things that are are things that would really drive the price down.
I... obviously, you're gonna be worth every penny of your fee to us
if you make a million-dollar wedding for, you know, $1,
without compromising the quality of the vendors
that we're gonna have.
What my goal is... my goal would be
to have you guys have... a wedding that looks like
much, much more, looks and feels like much more.
That's exactly what I want.
[Quietly] With no stress. I want no stress!
I'd like to propose that we just spend
the night going through our budget again,
find out where our total is,
and then, you know, let you know tomorrow
what we can put towards it.
I'm really confident we can come up with something
that you're comfortable with.
- Okay, well, thank you so much. - Thank you so much.
- Of course. - Okay, talk to you soon.
- All right. Bye-bye. - Bye.
She's so lovely.
Why are you making her sweat it out?
I'm not make... I just...
You're making her sweat it out!
You're doing the Nikki Weiss school of business,
- but she's so sweet. - She is so sweet.
I just think we need to look at our overall budget again.
I tried my best to put on my negotiation hat,
and I'm gonna talk her down.
Nik was worried that I was offending her,
and I certainly didn't intend to offend her.
I'm just not a good haggler.
All right, guys, listen, what we're gonna do...
We're gonna zigzag down some of the aisles
and really power through this,
because this is a lot to cover today in one day.
I go to these trade shows
definitely to garner new clients.
This is a really, really important time.
We're just a couple months out right before Fashion Week.
So this is our prime opportunity
to pick up any last-minute clients.
On top of that, Raquel's meeting us
here at the show in a couple of hours
'cause she's flying in this morning.
And I'm just so thrilled to actually be spending
a day with Raquel before Fashion Week.
Remember, always get a business card.
Find out who you're talking to. Write notes on the back of it.
And I'm here to help too, so somebody seems interested,
you know, definitely pull me in, and I'll... close 'em.
Let's do it.
My clients want me to produce a full-scale runway production
and after-party for them during Fashion Week.
They're looking for buyers, they're looking for celebrities,
and they're looking to garner a ton of press.
And that's what we're gonna give 'em.
I'm dying to get you guys involved in Fashion Week.
Do you have Friday night, the kickoff night, open?
I would love to have you come to Fashion Week.
I would love to.
The clock is counting down.
We have a couple slots that we really need to fill
in order to pay for everything that we need.
And the only way we're gonna do it
is by signing more brands.
Who do I gotta blow to get you guys in Fashion Week?
Come on, what's goin' on?
Thank you.
I wanted to surprise Mikey yesterday,
and I missed my flight.
So I think I'm gonna try to recreate the surprise now.
I can't wait.
Hey, babe, where you at?
I don't think I can come.
I don't... I don't think I can make it.
What do you mean you don't think you can make it?
Last time I talked to you, you were getting on the airplane.
You know what I don't want?
I don't want, like, people playing games with me,
'cause I don't need the stress today, so...
[Bathroom sounds]
Hello? Hello.
So I get a call from Raquel
saying that she can't make it to the show.
So I'm not too happy. I'm really annoyed right now.
Talked to her at 11:30, she was getting on a plane.
Everything's fine. All of a sudden,
she's calling me now telling me
that there's a problem and she can't come.
I'm pissed.
I'm trying to work, and I can't focus on work.
- What's up? - What's up, bro?
I wanna talk to you about Fashion Week when you have time.
Whatever you're doing, we wanna be in.
All right, babe. We'll see you later.
Let's go, you guys.
We need to be moving a lot faster.
We have a lot to see.
Yeah, we're gonna go in there right now.
Hey!
[Singsong] Look who it is!
How are you doing?
Cranky?
Yeah. I don't like being lied to.
It's a huge problem for me. You know that.
- Baby, I'm not lying to you! - Telling me that you
- don't think you can come... - Okay.
Is not okay, and it never needs to happen again,
'cause that will drive a wedge in our relationship.
- Okay, calm down! - I am calm.
This is me being calm. I'm not yelling.
I'm not screaming, but it's not okay.
- Don't be upset, love. - Baby, when you call me
and tell me you don't think you can come...
- Okay. - I mean, come on.
You know that's gonna bother me.
I have enough stress with the show right now.
- Okay. - Wanna walk with us?
- Yes! - All right.
It's tough because I don't like the games.
I think it's all really fucking childish.
With all the wedding drama last night
and her missed flight and now this...
I feel really let down.
- Were you waiting long? - No.
- Good. - What's up?
- How was your morning? - Fabulous.
What? What's the smile for?
- I missed you. - I know you did.
- One night away? - I know.
What'd you do last night?
I passed out as soon as you left.
I played with my dog.
I played with my kitty.
- Babe. - I'm sorry.
[Both laughing]
I played with Max and then I read a script.
All day today, I've had something every hour on the hour.
I read two scripts this morning also,
and my head just combines both of them.
My job's really stressful.
It's gotten to a point where I want a little bit more.
I need to just put it out there and be like,
what is it? What do I need to do now?
Like what... what's the next step for me?
We should trade jobs for a day.
- No! - [laughs] Why... why not?
'Cause I'm not very good at reading.
I'd get through like five pages,
and my eyes would hurt, and I'd fall asleep.
I think I could sell a house... actually.
You can definitely sell a house.
Mm-hmm.
You doing any standup this week?
Yeah, tonight. You're coming, right?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I don't think Tracy is really
gonna become a real estate agent,
so I invited a commercial agent
and a print agent to come to my show tonight
to meet her and see if they can help her.
Thanks.
So now that things have settled between Tor and I,
I am focused on getting in shape
and working out with Miranda.
We are gonna be training for the first time
so I can prepare for the lead role in this zombie movie.
We're gonna come out here. Is that cool?
- Yeah. - Are you okay?
- In public? - I'm an exhibitionist.
You're gonna come all the way back
to wherever I'm standing.
- That's far! - Shut up.
Keep your abs tight.
Use those hips to get the power for your jab.
Slow the fuck down.
There you go.
Good, good. Good form.
Wait, straighten those arms. You love bending them.
Nine. Last one. Ten. Good.
We're going back down there in a second, so...
You're not down low enough. Do it faster.
Stop being a pussy. Yeah.
I wanted to cry, throw up, die,
and then... change the subject.
- How's your lungs? - Good.
- Have you smoked? - Yeah, a little.
Just a little, little bit? I know it's hard.
It's hard to just cut that shit out.
I smoked a little bit last night.
Wrong idea!
I think that I will totally quit smoking
until the sun goes down,
and then I will resume again.
Don't let that go.
I won't. Feel that in your abs?
- In my abs? - Your abs, yeah.
- Yeah. - I know it sounded like ass.
[Laughs] I feel it in my ass.
If I had a dollar for every time I said that...
Miranda is hot as hell.
I don't know if she's gay.
But I'm on a mission. I'm gonna find out.
I've got huge ribs.
You know what they say about somebody with huge ribs.
I do, actually.
I think basically me flirting with Miranda at this point,
it seems like I'm just masturbating basically.
I swear, when I lift up my shirt next time,
I'd better have a six-pack.
I hope she takes my humor for flirtation in jest.
But not in too much jest,
because... if she's into it.
Do you wanna come to the show tonight?
Yeah, I totally want to.
I invited Miranda out tonight,
and she may be attending.
Bye.
I didn't exactly tell her it was a girl party.
[Laughing] Oh...
My God!
Are you serious?
Oh! [mikey laughing]
Oh... oh, my God.
- Come on. - Seriously.
This is amazing.
What hotel room have you ever been in
that has a fucking pool table in it?
- Isn't that insane? - That is insane.
The games and stuff, I'm really not into it.
But I'm just trying to get over it and past it right now.
I really do wanna be around her and just...
We don't have that much time together,
so I'm definitely happy that she made it out.
Here we go.
I think that for every ball you miss,
you should have to take an article of clothing off.
Let's do that.
Oh!
- Stick to the stripes. - Here we go.
Aw... oh, that doesn't count!
- It's clothing. - That's not clothing.
That's an accessory.
Take it off, lady. Let's go!
What did I just get myself into?
- A whole lotta trouble. - Okay. All right.
What's it gonna be? What's it gonna be?
What are you doing? Shanna.
All right, my bra.
Both: Oh!
My God, is that a "D"?
Yeah, it's a double-D.
When Raquel's with me on my work trips,
I'm completely distracted.
I definitely get sucked into her energy
and wanna go and play. Start an email.
Commit to having two cars.
Hey, Mikey, your shot. Yo, Mikey!
You need to get better at pool.
- Gimme the boobies. - All right.
Okay.
Free ballin'.
I'm never super-super-shocked at what Mikey does.
I kind of learned to expect that from her,
and I love it.
Oh, come on, man.
[Chanting] Take it off, take it off.
- Who came up with this idea? - You did.
This is not looking good for you, Mikey.
I don't care that Shanna's in the room.
I don't care who's in the room.
I'm just in Vegas, ready to have a good time.
I'm with my girlfriend.
I want to totally kick her ass at a game of pool
and get her naked.
Sweet.
I have three articles of clothing left on.
Take one of them off, lady.
All right, we are done.
So I'm literally still losing, and Shanna realizes
she needs to get out of this hotel room at this point
because this is not gonna go down good for me.
- Have fun. - Thank you.
Ha. You lose!
I can offer you a plea bargain.
What now?
I win. I won...
You say I won.
Okay? You tell me I'm the winner
- and I won. - You know, it's so hard for me.
- Okay? - Uh-huh. Okay.
And you give me what I want.
How I want it.
Or you can get naked.
- Huh. - Up to you.
All right. You're the winner.
I won?
All right.
Raquel and I definitely have
a very fun sex life.
I'm definitely probably the more dominant person
- in our relationship. - Except for when I am,
and then I'm the more dominant person in the relationship.
Oh, my God!
It's so cool.
Whoo!
[Both squealing]
It's romantic.
[Both laughing]
You don't even need to look at it.
Just print it out, put it aside,
so when you guys finally get the file,
you know what's goin' on.
Okay, I... okay, bye. Today's one of those days
where I fucking hate my job.
I work in real estate finance,
and it's such a quick turnaround,
like people come in, they wanna list their properties,
we gotta get rid of them, that kinda thing...
So I'm really overwhelmed. I really need an assistant.
They didn't have very much chip selections.
That's fine.
I got your half with olives, no mustard.
This is Rose.
Did I ever let you down?
You'll have $10,000 tomorrow. Done.
The other issue that I'm having
is I'm turning down a lot of fucking mod business,
dude, a lot of it.
Yeah, 'cause, dude, I feel like I have two fucking jobs.
I work an eight-hour day,
and I come home and I work another fucking four-hour day.
So I'm gonna bring in someone else to help me
with all the little bullshit.
That way, I can just be on the phone with the banks
and dealing with the investors. That's it.
I'm trying to get somebody to help me.
I wanna be able to tell somebody,
"hurry the fuck up. Do this, do this, do this"...
You know, work on my speed,
and I can't do that
with one of their little fucking secretaries.
All right, I'll talk to you. Okay, bye.
I need you to come in and help me.
Come help me.
Oh, my God, that's so crazy.
I don't think Natalie working for me is a good idea,
but I'm so... I don't want to use the word desperate,
but I just need someone in there like now.
And the reason why I thought of Natalie
is 'cause she's been mentioning
that she's tired of hair, wants to quit.
So it just kinda felt like the right fit.
I'll pay you double what they're paying you.
It's so easy... dude, what they pay me is a joke.
I don't know, I don't know. I don't know if I'm gonna do it.
Rose and I working together would be a little scary.
Like 80% of me wants to do it.
But the other 20%, the rational Natalie,
is kinda like, "what the fuck are you doing?"
So we'll be like in different offices.
No.
Okay.
Like for reals.
Maybe if I like it, I'll stay forever.
My job's gonna hate me.
If you're thinking about it too much,
maybe you shouldn't do it.
No. They need someone strong that wants to be there,
that sees their future there, you know?
It's not me.
Where do you see your future?
Mm... I see my future...
- Doing nails? - No.
What are you talking about?
I'm looking at my ring finger.
You gotta stop with that shit.
I'm not in the mood right now.
- Bite. - Naw. I'm all right.
I see your future doing this shit.
We need a wedding planner.
Unless you would like to take the reins...
- I can, it just might be... - You get overwhelmed
when you have a writing assignment
that is due the next day.
We have a budget for the wedding.
It's a lot of money to spend for a day,
and Jill wants to be practical about it.
So I'm gonna negotiate it a little bit more
to save some money here. Come on, close this, Nikki.
[Phone numbers beeping]
[Line ringing]
Element Weddings. This is Camilla.
Hey, Camilla. It's Nikki and Jill.
How are you?
- I'm good. How are you guys? - Hi. We're good, thanks.
We are well.
So we've been chatting...
All right.
And if we can do the nirvana with you for 7,
I think we can move ahead.
Um... would it be all right if I maybe got back to you
- first thing in the morning? - Totally fine.
I was actually just on my way out to meet another bride.
Thank you so much for giving me a call,
and I will talk to you ladies first thing in the morning.
- Excellent. - Thanks, Camilla.
- Thank you. Have a good night. - Thanks. Bye-bye.
We should be paying her her whole fee.
That was wrong.
I'm just saying.
She probably thinks we just totally insulted her.
I feel really bad. Baby, it's business.
You know what, it's... if you accepted the first price
that everyone gave you...
You need to send her an email and say, you know what,
you're absolutely right, and we will pay you your fee.
You better hurry up before she takes it all back
and doesn't want to work with us 'cause we're such bitches.
- We are not bitches! - Says who?
- I can't... - Why are you getting all...
I can't let her go to her other thing without calling her back.
I feel bad. I really do.
I really do. Blame it on me.
Now she's screening her calls.
She's like, "I'm not working with those two."
Hello, thank you for calling...
She's not even taking our calls anymore.
You're being dramatic.
Thank you again, and have a wonderful day.
[Beep] Hey, Camilla.
It's Nikki and Jill again.
We went back through the contract really quickly,
and you've been very generous,
and we will pay you your full quote,
which is $7,650,
if you would like to work with us,
and we apologize for insulting you.
So please call us back. Thanks. Bye-bye.
God. I wouldn't call it insulting.
Well, it is, babe.
I'm hoping that Camilla is still going to work with us.
I don't wanna juggle my career
and juggle producing the wedding at the same time.
Ooh, she came down a lot for us, Jill.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay. - This is a $10,000 package.
I would like to be given options
and make those choices with Jill
and have our day planned by somebody else.
I don't want the stress.
She's a very funny lady.
Would you please welcome
Stamie Karakasidis!
[Cheers and applause]
[Cheering] Wow.
[Whooping, applause]
Clearly, I know most of the audience.
My bills are paid by my real estate career,
but I also do comedy, 'cause I'm funny.
I recently broke up.
I was in a five-year relationship,
and we have three children together.
So when we were finally breaking up,
I wasn't like, "oh, shit,
I'm gonna be a single mother of three."
I was like, "oh, shit, my kids are gonna have four moms."
[Laughter]
Uh...
Do you know how expensive that's gonna be on mother's day?
You know, my ex has a new girlfriend
and, you know, we're not on the best terms,
but I think it's really important
to teach your children manners,
you know, uh,
'cause it's a reflection of you.
So her girlfriend is French,
so I've been working on my kids,
like when they see her, to be like,
"Bonjour, cunt face."
[Laughter] You know?
Guys, that's my time.
Thank you!
Appreciate your support!
Oh, hi!
I hope this is Stamie.
You guys make such a nice couple,
'cause you guys are both good-looking.
Thank you!
We look like sisters. We were at the airport,
and someone asked if we were sisters.
I'm constantly telling her you should be on camera.
You're likeable, you're attractive.
You're skinny naturally.
So I invited Sheila, who is a commercial agent,
and she brought her print agent Rebecca to the show,
'cause I wanted them to meet Tracy
in a non-pressured environment.
I just wanted Tracy to see that,
hey, you... you have a lot going on.
- She's beautiful. - She's okay.
- You're like my pimp. - She's just okay?
Are you crazy? She's like my pimp.
We want her. We want her...
Commercially, print, all of that.
- Great. - We want her in our agency.
I think she's, uh, got a lot to offer.
You gonna come into our office and interview with us?
- Are you gonna be a client? - Yeah.
Stamie's sort of pushing me towards modeling,
and I'm sort of realizing it's something
that I should probably pursue a little bit.
To be honest, I don't really know if I can do it.
I've never tried it, but it's a challenge,
and I love a challenge,
so if I can balance it and do this with my career,
I could definitely try it.
We are going to MJ's.
Love Darling, my roommate's band,
is gonna be performing tonight.
I wasn't sure if Miranda was coming,
but I walk up,
and Miranda is actually standing out in front
waiting for us to get there.
And she looks...
she...
she looks all right.
[Background chatter]
Tor came with me,
and Romi is actually inside waiting for me.
I'm feeling good.
[Laughs] If by good you mean I'm a little nervous...
and shockingly uncomfortable.
Basically, the whole night,
I'm trying to hide next to Miranda.
What about that one right there?
Yeah.
I don't know if Miranda's even gay, bisexual,
and I'm bringing her to a girl party.
What is your type?
- What's my type? - Yeah.
I mean, do you... ?
I don't even know if you're into guys or girls.
I mostly have relationships with guys,
but I'm into girls too.
You're into both?
There is a God!
[Dance music]
I look over, and Romi does one of these.
This is her token look right here.
I go over, and I try to talk to Romi,
because I'm so confused as to what's going on here.
And basically, Romi is really upset
because I've been talking to Miranda.
I'm telling her, you're not my girlfriend.
And I don't really owe that to you
to necessarily have to be with you all the time.
- Everything is fine, Romi. - It's such a weird situation.
It's fine. You created it into one.
- Me? - There was no situation.
I see you, and it's like completely opposite.
We're opposite?
Well, we're not... one at all.
I don't know what we are.
I'm not gonna do this whole thing
where I, you know, melt down and I'm like, oh, babe,
you know what?
She... basically, at this point, Romi's getting mad at me
because I'm not feeding into her the attention she wants.
You're being dramatic, Romi. I'm being dead serious.
Romi, there is nothing to be upset about.
You're driving me crazy, like... Aah!
- No, I'm not. - I feel like
you're driving me crazy.
Like I don't understand what the emergency is.
I'm done.
I don't wanna fucking talk right now... I really don't.
Like, you let me know the way you felt,
and I feel like it's completely unwarranted.
So you know what? Conversation is over.
This is so fucking unnecessary.
I don't know what the fuck is going on here.
I'm pissed right now. Like I'm...
I don't even want anything to do with it, like...
Anything to do with what, exactly?
I don't know! That whole thing...
that's ridiculous.
Like what the fuck did you put me into?
At the end of the day,
like I don't wanna hear anything from Whitney.
Like, I don't care.
Like I have no sympathy for her.
You made your bed, now sleep in it.
I wish I knew it was that deep.
It's not! It's not, Tor!
I'm telling you right now, she is dramatic.
You keep doing whatever with her, and like...
- What do I keep doing? - I don't know!
We've hardly slept together.
I don't even know if you'd call it sleeping together.
This is what I'm saying. She does this shit on purpose.
I'm super-fucking done.
- Babe. - Yes.
It was so hard last night when you called me
and told me you missed your flight.
I was...
super-disappointed.
Um... probably couldn't have been
more disappointed than I was.
I mean, uh...
You know what we had planned?
No.
I was gonna, like, ambush you
[laughs] And take you to an Elvis wedding chapel.
- Are you serious? - Yeah.
Gettin' hitched.
[Chuckling]
Shotgun wedding. That's kinda romantic.
- Is it romantic? - Yeah.
Call your mutha.
Ma, I'm in Vegas.
I'm pregnant.
I'm gettin' married. Oh, God.
- Talk to Elvis. - Talk to Elvis.
- Like that? - Yeah.
It was gonna be awesome, babe.
That's kinda cool.
Would you have got mad at me?
I would have thought that that was really romantic of you
and really thoughtful and adorable, and...
Would it have gotten me laid?
For sure.
I would like us to get married.
- You would? - Mm-hmm. Soon.
Soon?
Soon. But I know we have very busy schedules.
I would love to get married. That would be amazing.
I've never been more in love with someone.
I've never loved someone so much the way I do Mikey.
It's a very intense connection that we have.
Oh!
It's true. I love you.
Me too.
The only one.
Baby, you know what that does for me.
Sync by honeybunny - corrected by chamallow www.Addic7ed.Com